After the Full Moon
The full moon came and went. Things do feel different and the change has been a long time coming. I’m not afraid anymore and it feels so freeing to not be afraid. I love it; what I love is the absence of fear, so I guess I love life as it should be. Just small things like walking and not being worried about being ambushed, about being confronted and grilled. I’m sitting in the parking garage now before work and looking at the leaves on the trees in front of a beautiful pale brick building. Mostly green but the edges are turning yellow and crispy.
Something one of my coworkers told me about working with the people we do is that when people are lacking something, they sometimes compensate by becoming skilled at manipulation. That rang true in a wider range than I think he meant it. Agreeing, I said that people are just trying to survive. When you are fighting for survival, a lot gets left behind. I think of people who have hurt me and of people I love; I am the middle part of a Venn diagram of these groups. I think that’s why it happens that the more a person needs others, the more they push them away. It’s a classic self fulfilling prophecy, which I’ve talked about before in my other entries. It shows up a lot in my head and it reminds me of circular concepts I learned about in college. If a Marxist conception of economic development (unfolding) is the materialist application of the Hegelian dialectic, what should I have for lunch today?