My Pale Blue Star
From the dried grass hill I can see the cars on the main road headed into the city. That and the trees and the bridges and the tallest buildings with their glass faces, the far off West hills and the tin towers rising above them. Wispy clouds streaking a hazy sky on a humid day, the first of September.
I have a slice of quartz balanced on top of my can of water that I bought today for one dollar at the rock sale advertised on a wooden sign by the road. The guy told me they bought the inventory of a family business with no one left to take it over and they’re giving it a chance for a final sale out of their garage. Walking the maze of shelves filled with gems and fossils I came into a state of meditation, making me float like a wispy cloud myself.
In the park a man walks by playing guitar and singing at full volume, ‘who do you love now?’ He finishes the song and I clap from far away on the hill. He turns and we wave at each other.
The next day I descended into a defeatist mood that was forced out by just the right combination playing on my senses. The sky through my car windows was pink and blue in shades I’d never seen like that in a sunset. It felt like it was made for me. A section change in the song with the light and the wind in my hair as I turned a corner had me crying in an instant. I hadn’t seen you in a while God and here you are on my 60th day of sobriety, the night before my exam.
Now it’s dark again and the exam is finished. The day is a blur but I know I did well. What I remember most is the emotion in my dad’s voice when I called him on my way home. He felt so much and I barely feel anything. Maybe relief. The beautiful boy in my phone called and told me to celebrate but I don’t really know how to do that. I’d like him to put his cock in me as a reward. He would even if I bombed. Isn’t that nice? Hopefully soon.
I’m thinking of getting a tattoo of a pale blue star, if I’m not too old for that. Still young enough to one day say, ah well I got it when I was 23. It’s based on a beautiful song I’ve loved for years. My pale blue star, my rainbow how good it is to know you’re like me. I feel really old and young, about the same amount. I wonder when that will change.