Past Life Connections
-When I look at a picture of Anthony Bourdain I feel like I’m looking at a picture of an ex boyfriend I still love right after he’s left me, like I have to look away. Or I feel like he’s my husband who died.
-Georgia O’Keefe, I see her in other people or maybe I see other people in the idea I have of her. I want to visit her out in the desert.
-Lou Reed as in myself as a man in a past life (archetype) and as in people I know in real life. I had one of those perspective shift dreams about him where I’m both the person and people around them.
I need some psychoanalysis.
Living in a fantasy world with colored pencil and pen was the title of a drawing and it applies to everything. I’m living in a fantasy world with characters in my head but I am also real. I can’t figure myself or others out except I can so well, but it’s one of those things where the more you know the less you know. The more you know the more you know you don’t know.
The more I am alive the more I love it and the more I grasp how truly terrible things are and how good they can be. The more I live the more my peers seem to think things about me. Talking to my friend last night she said that I was a big presence on campus (so was she) and I asked if it’s better to be well known but not for good things or not known at all. She said they were in awe of me. I said don’t say that to me it doesn’t help the problem that I already think that. I let people flatter me and then I get dramatically humbled and vow to never have a high opinion of myself like that again. I love people so much though, I want to let them know how others see them, which is as a force and a gift. Maybe it’s not flattery when I do it because it’s true and I can’t help myself. Now I’m thinking about sacred geometry, that’s my cue to stop daydreaming.