Ruminating
Why do ones I’ve loved hate me like they do? They might say otherwise but I know.
I am supposedly the most angelic girl ever to live and the devil possessing the body of a woman, roaming the earth and drinking the blood of men who hate themselves. I am still messed up and yeah it’s been long enough, so I should be fine now. I’m not!
I am so fine of course, things are so good. It’s falling into place, of course it is. And yet. There’s being in pain and then there’s being in pain because you are still in pain. It can hurt more when you aren’t able to justify it as well as you used to. This is far from the first time I’ve felt this way, and it did go away eventually, but not in the way I try to force. I still think about the people who have been important to me and shaped who I am. How often do I think of my ex boyfriends? Most of them often, but not in a painful was as time goes on. I don’t want to become my experiences, and I do. But you can’t pick and choose, or can you?