Self Fulfilling Prophecy
Something I’ve noticed from men: clocking themselves and then getting upset that you don’t try to convince them otherwise. He said it seems like you have a pattern of being around bad people. Am I one of those bad people? Like what am I supposed to say to that? Yes and maybe you’ll be the one that ruins me to the point that I break the cycle. (It has been two months since I left and I can’t say I have succeeded). I always think that only someone bad can understand me. But if I surround myself with bad influences, maybe I am making this true when it doesn’t need to be.
I can be better. Self awareness is the first step, but I’ve considered myself to be self aware before and wasn’t, or if I was not enough to change. My therapist said she thinks my self esteem is too low to go back to the fashion industry. I took a break but have been tempted by a recommendation for a new agency from a girl whose career I admire. Also, the stress of my life has made me thinner and thinner which of course is prized in modeling. Oh well, I act shocked but she’s right. I don’t pay her by the hour to protect my feelings.