Still like hotels but I think that’ll change
I have conversations with him in my head, telling him off for what he’s done.
This is something I could not do in reality. It sounds silly but if you knew you would know why.
What is it with men and hotels? I should not let men take me to them. That’s what you’d call nonprofit sex work, which is somehow worse.
It makes me feel stupid, like they can get an escort experience from me without paying. I wonder if hotel staff consider if I am a prostitute.
I wonder that too sometimes, what my relationship is to that world, given my past and my present and my future. I told a priest but I still feel unclean.
I saw a sign for goodwill books dot com and it made me tear up and think, have I been losing my soul? It’s the little things like that.
I’m spoiled because I’m used to being me and having the world in my hand. It’s such a strange thing I can barely describe it. What do you call having everything and nothing and wanting more?
I love myself so much that I disrespect myself. I’m so good I just have to sink so low.
It’s just so hard to be me right? It’s not.