Hospital - Modern Lovers
I know it can be, people get their asses kicked in there all the time, but I didn’t get a dangerous vibe. I think this may be my nervous system, it’s bit out of whack. I care about everything and I really don’t, I don’t get anxiety. I thought about it and if someone tried to hurt me that’s fine because I won’t die. What, someone throws me across a room or cracks me on the floor? Unlikely because I’m in there with the goat. They know him. Before we went and saw one of his guys the staff said he had been sexually inappropriate earlier that day, and when we were sat in a room alone before meeting him he said, he might say something cuz you’re young and pretty but just like waweewoowa, nothing crazy vulgar. I said it’s ok I’ve heard stuff before, and he said yeah I’m sure, and this is sick people. I’ve heard it from sick people too! Guy on the street yelled one time, please have sex with me! And I thought it was funny and kinda weird and sad. It was a joke the rest of the day, like I would have been down but I had somewhere to be.
My biggest gripe was that it looked like a horror movie going in there, rusty metal doors and smelled like blood. I asked about it and he said that’s the side rooms, people don’t get a toilet so they have to bring in the strong stuff to clean it out. No toilet for real? He said yeah, there’s a hole in the floor. I’d be shitting up a wall too! It made me think of when my friend told me she fought the metal toilet in jail. And lost.
The courtyard was nice though. Sunny, people lying in the grass with music playing. That’s definitely good for the soul. The geese fly in there over the big wall to get away from predators. I saw one girl I had talked to earlier dancing, and she was so good I confused her with someone else who used to be a ballet teacher.
On the way back we talked about many things, including how it happened that we ended up doing this. I said I can’t believe it and I can, I used to do bad stuff all the time! He said him too and that one different day and he would be in there. I said one different moment and I’d be dead. He lost his religion but does believe in magic, and that some people have a magic purpose on this earth. Like him and me. I agreed with that. I’m still figuring it out but I have time. I told him that people thought I was mentally ill, but I don’t think so anymore. You can be crazy but not sick. He said I’m a little tweaky but don’t seem mentally ill. That I’m just smart and need to live an interesting life to feel full.
It was a really beautiful day. I’ve had a few days like that recently, that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I’m grateful for it all. Every day is a step on the journey. I have everything I need, and can achieve what I want to. It’s just a matter of deciding. I don’t say stuff like this out loud because it’s not really classy but I do feel like magic. Magic is real, it’s in the mundane and the extraordinary, it’s about direction.